Can mediation make things worse?
Will mediation help or hurt?
Parents, divorcés, and other people in conflict often ask if mediation could worsen their situation. It can feel like direct communication is the cause of conflict – not the solution. Every time they speak with the other party, they report becoming their worst selves. They say things they wish they could take back and are treated in ways they can’t soon forget. As one person said, “When we’re together, we’re fine until we start talking about the hard issues… then we start fighting, and our relationship gets worse”. It makes sense to ask, “Can mediation make things worse?”.
Mediation offers support
As different from our daily communication, mediation is a supported conversation. In supported conversations, people get the chance to say what they need to say, hear one another better, see their differences clearly, and find pathways forward. In this environment, we help people turn destructive differences into constructive opportunities to pursue their vision. For example, partners in divorce mediation create separation agreements. Parents draft parenting plans. Faith communities rediscover connection.
Mediation moves like a healthy company’s stock chart
This isn’t to say that mediated conversations always move in an upward direction. On the contrary, talk in mediation looks a lot like a promising company’s stock chart. Conversations slowly climb in a more productive direction. However, when people feel more confident, they become more willing to take on more challenging topics and differences. When this happens, the conversation often dips again. Yet, the parties’ progress in mediation doesn’t move back to the start. Instead, they discuss a new layer of conflict and climb upward again, eventually climbing even higher.
Mediation supports unique opportunities
Ultimately, people can work out most disagreements without a mediator’s help. However, sometimes conflicts enter a place that either feels overwhelmingly complicated, heated or requires some formal agreement. In these instances, our services exist so that you can engage with the other person in a way that enhances clarity and direction. Sometimes this means a client becomes clear that the other person isn’t someone they can find a resolution with. Yet, this is a form of resolution because they leave mediation knowing that they tried direct communication and don’t have to wonder, “What if…?”. Other times, people work out a percentage of their disagreements through the less expensive mediation route and then use attorneys to negotiate the areas where they couldn’t agree. Most often, people find pathways forward and find resolution in mediation.
Mediation isn’t a commitment. It is an opportunity for a more connected and favorable resolution to the conflict. If it isn’t working for you, you can always end it or advocate for the change you need to make the conversation productive. People find safety and empowerment in mediation because they finally have the support they need to make solid decisions and try something that reflects their communication style.
We’re here to support you, calm the seas, and provide profound opportunities for connected communication and resolution. If you want to learn more about mediation’s supportive process and how we can help, tell us more about your situation here.
