Keep, sell, or share? Options for your home during divorce

Dividing assets during a divorce is complicated, and the biggest asset most couples possess—their house—is no exception.

When you co-own a home with your spouse, there are really only three options:

One of you keeps it
You both sell it
You continue to co-own it and work out a plan for sharing or renting it out

It’s understandable if none of these options feel possible. A home takes on a lot of meaning and can hold both good and bad memories. But the truth is, a decision eventually will have to be made. Keep in mind the following pros and cons as you decide.

Keep it for one of you

The first path available to you is keeping the home for yourself, or ceding your ownership and letting your spouse keep it instead. One of you can assume full ownership.

This can be a good option if one of you has a strong desire to stay in the home while the other doesn’t. One of you may want a fresh start in a new place while the other doesn’t want to leave all of the work they’ve put into renovations or design choices. Additionally, if you have children, it can be grounding for them to stay put in their current home during this time of upheaval in their lives.

Alternatively, this choice may become impossible if neither of you can agree on who should get to keep the house for themselves. It also may be complicated by the division of your other assets, like second homes, cars, or property. If one of you is keeping the house, the other person may expect to be compensated in some way.

Sell it and split the profits

If ceding ownership to one person doesn’t work for your situation, you can consider selling your home and splitting the profits between you. This can help offset the cost of buying or renting a new place as well as help pay for divorce fees.

When it comes to children, many parents feel guilty for “taking away” their childhood home. However, if you are committed to co-parenting, it can be nice for both parents to have a new space from which to begin single parenthood. Routines and rules are likely to change in both households, and this may be better accepted by the children outside of the home in which both parents lived together.

Keep it and share it

This final approach sounds fantastical to many divorcing couples: continuing to co-own and share the home. But this option is gaining traction, especially among parents.

Co-parents who want to provide consistency for their children may find themselves considering sharing the home indefinitely. In this scenario, often referred to as “birdnesting,” the parents are the ones who rotate in and out of the house while the kids stay put.

Shared ownership may also be a good option if you are debating what to do with a second home. It’s possible neither you nor your spouse want to give up your vacation spot; in that case, sharing it may be worth the logistical headache. Alternatively, you could continue to co-own but agree to turn the property into a rental to supplement both of your incomes.

If you choose any of these paths, make sure you go into minute detail during the divorce process about mortgage payments, utilities, home repairs, yard work, and everything else a house entails. Sharing a home with your ex will only work if you can both be trusted to adhere to a detailed plan for homeowner responsibilities.

A mediated approach can help

No matter which path you take, deciding what to do with your home is a weighty task. If you and your spouse are engaged in a lawyer-led divorce, it may be difficult to discuss all the details you feel are necessary to put your mind at ease before moving forward. As attorney fees add up, their perspectives on what “should” happen also causes stress when they don’t align with what you want.

Working with a qualified divorce mediator may be a good alternative or supplement during this process. In mediation, the divorcing couple gets to lay out their priorities to the mediator and get into as much detail as they deem necessary. A mediator will be open to unconventional options, such as sharing the home, in a way the legal system may not be.

Here at Haas Mediation, our goal is to make you feel empowered and supported throughout your divorce journey. If you are overwhelmed by the idea of keeping, selling, or sharing your house, schedule a free 15-minute consultation with us today. We can help you decide if mediation is your right next step.

Interested in learning more?

- Andrew Haas, Founder & Principal Mediator

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