Digital Decisions for Your Kids After Divorce

Creating a co-parenting plan during divorce would be a lot easier if it didn't involve so many logistical nightmares. Parents must decide who will take the kids to school each day, where the kids will spend holiday breaks, and who will take the kids to the doctor.

One additional detail to consider in today’s world is access to technology. Making decisions about the types of devices and content your children have at their disposal is difficult in any home, and is further complicated when they live in two households.

As a divorced parent, you also consider the additional layer of whether or not you will have virtual access to your children when they are physically with your ex and vice versa. As you navigate these difficult decisions, here are some different aspects of technology to keep in mind.

Smartphones

While smartphones have become ubiquitous, the call to delay your child’s ownership of a phone is also getting stronger. People on both sides of the issue have strong feelings and some data to back them up. This can pose a problem if you and your ex have different ideas about what sort of technology your children should have.

On the one hand, programs like Wait Until 8th encourage parents to take a pledge that they will not allow their child to have a smartphone until eighth grade. They cite research showing negative mental health outcomes for children who receive a phone at a younger age.

In contrast, a recent study conducted by Stanford Medicine found no link between the age at which a child acquired a smartphone and their overall well-being. They found that ownership of a smartphone is less important than how that phone is managed by the parents.

If you or your ex would really like your child to have a smartphone so they can call, text, or FaceTime an adult if needed, consider a common sense compromise. Decide together on age-appropriate limits for your children.

Consider the use of a surveillance service like Bark that allows you to block certain websites, set screen time limits, and be notified if your child stumbles upon anything questionable. Bark even has a dual household option to make it easier for parents of children who move from house to house.

Laptops and tablets

These days many school districts provide students with a laptop or tablet. Generally these devices have some parameters already set when it comes to website access - for example, social media sites may be blocked.

If your child will be going back and forth between your home and that of your ex, it’s important that you both know how to access the school device in order to assist with homework if needed. If your child has a personal laptop or tablet, both parents can know the codes and discuss oversight systems as you would with a smartphone.

Old and new alternatives

If you and your ex can’t agree on the decision to give your child a smartphone or tablet, there are some alternatives. If your child will soon be home alone on a regular basis, consider installing a landline in both your household and that of your ex.

If your child will need to contact an adult when they are away from home, there are a variety of kid-friendly smartphones available that don’t allow access to things like the internet, app stores, or social media. Additionally, there are location-tracking smartwatches created specifically for kids that allow limited calling and texting with an approved contact list.

Digital access to the other parent

Perhaps the most difficult part of digital decision-making after divorce is determining when and if you will have virtual access to your children when you are apart.

Some people feel that when their children are physically staying with them, they shouldn’t be able to contact the other parent independently. They prefer that any request for communication goes through the supervising adult. Others want their children to be able to access both parents whenever they want, in an attempt to minimize disruption to their pre-divorce lifestyle.

These details are extremely personal and can bring up a lot of emotions. Here at Haas Mediation, we work with divorcing parents to create a one-of-a-kind co-parenting plan that addresses as many details as desired. While a lawyer-led divorce may focus on time ratios when it comes to custody, mediated divorce allows for more nuance.

If you’d like assistance determining your child’s digital access after divorce, schedule a free fifteen-minute call with us today. We can help you decide if mediation is the best option for your family as you navigate this new season of life together.

Interested in learning more?

- Andrew Haas, Founder & Principal Mediator

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