Protecting your kids during a divorce
If you’re a parent in the process of getting divorced, one of your top concerns is undoubtedly your children’s well-being. Even if you know that divorce is ultimately for the best in your situation, you may still be worried about how the process of divorce will affect the kids.
Remember, more than any licensed professional, you’re the expert on your child. There is a lot to consider surrounding divorce, but there is a lot to consider around every decision a parent makes for their child. You’ve been doing that for your child or children since before they were born. You can continue making good choices for them through this process.
Potential issues to consider
Divorce is a difficult time of transition for everyone, so be prepared for some period of regressive behavior or changes in mood for your children. This does not mean you’re parenting “wrong” - your child or children are simply doing their best to process all the change in their world.
That being said, there are some factors that could make the divorce process harder on your child. One issue to consider is timing. Some divorces take several years to finalize. This is particularly true for lawyer-led and litigated divorces. The longer that living arrangements or parental decision-making authority are up in the air, the more your child may feel stressed by the lack of routine or stability.
Another potential source of stress for your children is the court system. If your divorce becomes contentious, your child or children may be required to speak to court-assigned professionals such as a court psychologist or a parenting coordinator. While this is all required in the best interest of your child, it can take a toll on their and your mental health.
Finally, financial stress for parents tends to trickle down and affect children. If asset division is a tricky aspect of your divorce and you’re struggling to keep up with your monthly expenses, your kids will see this stress begin to affect your mood. They may begin to worry about monetary stability for their family, something kids shouldn’t have to think about.
Positive options
There are ways to protect your kids from some of the stressors described above. One of the best ways to shield them from a long, difficult divorce process is to consider divorce mediation.
Mediation differs from lawyer-led divorce because it leaves the divorcing couple in the decision-making role. A mediator is trained to be a neutral third party who facilitates conversation between the parties. A mediator does not “represent” one spouse; instead, they guide both down a mutually beneficial path. Even when parents encounter heated and challenging differences, mediators can support them in finding pathways forward.
Mediation can often be accomplished in just three to six months, which means your kids will not have to linger in the phase of uncertainty often prolonged in lawyer-led divorces. Additionally, your child or children do not have to speak to the mediator at all. You can certainly involve outside professionals like a child psychologist if you see fit, but it’s not required. If you and your spouse are able to work out a parenting plan that suits you both, there’s no need to have your kids “pick a side” or speak to someone in authority unless you see a need for it.
Finally, mediation is far more affordable than a lawyer-led divorce. Because of the shorter timeline and the fact that you only pay for what you need, you will likely spend five to seven times less on a mediated divorce than a lawyer-led one. Less strain on your finances means less strain on you and your kids.
Protect your kids through divorce mediation
If you want to protect your children from the divorce process to the best of your ability, mediation may be the right step for you. Here at Haas Mediation, we work with parents like you to craft unique and individualized parenting arrangements that may be more difficult to achieve in a lawyer-led setting.
Schedule a free 15-minute call to learn more about how we can help you navigate this difficult time.
Interested in learning more?
- Andrew Haas, Founder & Principal Mediator
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