What Is Sole Custody? How Will It Affect My Kids?
Divorce is a challenging journey, especially when it comes to deciding the custody terms for your children. As you navigate this process, understanding the concept of sole custody can empower you to make informed decisions that are in the best interest of your child.
What Is Sole Custody?
Having sole custody means you are the primary parent with the legal authority to make decisions for your children. Sole custody arrangements typically involve one parent taking care of the child most of the time. This type of arrangement, while not generally preferred, may be necessary in cases of domestic abuse or when the other parent cannot provide adequate care. With sole custody, there are two distinct types that parents should be aware of:
Physical custody - Which parent provides hands-on care, and who the child generally lives with
Legal custody - Which parent can legally make decisions for that child
Instead of suing for sole custody, parents can negotiate a parenting plan without going through court. Through this process, the parents determine the appropriate custody arrangement for their situation. If the parents agree on who should receive sole custody, they can create a plan that addresses the details of this arrangement. During mediation, custody plans are discussed and drafted if the parents can agree on what is best for their family.
If the parents are unable to agree, the case will be brought before the court. During this process, the judge will carefully consider the 'best interests of the child' and make a decision regarding sole custody based on these facts.
The Pros and Cons of Sole Custody
Before discussing the pros and cons of sole custody, it is important to differentiate between sole legal custody and physical custody. With sole physical custody, the child resides with one parent. However, sole physical custody doesn't necessarily mean that that parent can make all legal decisions for that child. Sole legal custody allows parents to make decisions regarding the welfare of their child without consulting their partner. Sole legal custody is becoming much less common in most states unless a joint legal custody arrangement is considered unsafe for the child. If you are considering sole legal custody, here are some pros and cons of this arrangement:
Pros
One parent has legal responsibility, making decisions easier for that parent.
Better consistency and stability for the child.
No need to track down an unavailable parent for significant decisions.
Ensures the safety of the child if the other parent cannot take care of them due to substance use, abuse or instability.
Sole legal custody reduces the need to communicate with the other parent, reducing conflict.
Cons
This arrangement may become a significant source of conflict and resentment.
Sole custody can be stressful for the parent who must make legal decisions alone.
Sole custody can cause the children to view the non-custodial parent as less important.
It limits the involvement of the non-custodial parent.
It can strain the relationship between the non-custodial parent and their children.
If you want sole custody of your child, you must go through family court. The other parent can argue their position while the judge decides who will receive custody. These proceedings may last for months or years, depending on the circumstances.
Additional Advice for Parents Seeking Sole Custody
You should not consider a sole custody arrangement just because you and the other parent have difficulty working together or have conflicting approaches in child-rearing. It should only be an option if it is clear that one parent is ill-equipped to make sound legal decisions. Some situations in which sole legal custody may be a viable option are if:
One parent travels substantially outside of the country.
One parent is moving out of state.
There are issues with substance abuse, child neglect or domestic abuse.
Pursuing sole legal custody without a good reason in family court will likely be denied. Children greatly benefit from active relationships with both parents and exposure to differing perspectives. It's good for them to see their parents work together to ensure their wellbeing, even if they are getting a divorce.
If you can approach the process with an open mind, consider divorce mediation to help you work through custody issues with your partner. Through mediation, you can reach a fair arrangement that allows both of you to co-parent effectively, much to the benefit of your children. If you're ready to get started, schedule a call with Haas Mediation. During our consultation, we can discuss how to take the first steps towards creating a workable custody agreement with your partner as part of your divorce proceedings.
