5 Things to Plan for as a Newly Single Parent
If you’re getting divorced, you may have a lot on your mind. Issues like asset division, alimony, and living arrangements can take up a lot of your mental energy. But for divorcing couples with children, a top concern is the transition to single parenthood.
Some divorcing parents feel relieved by the idea of finally getting to parent “my way” without the interference of their spouse. But for others, the prospect of single parenthood keeps them up at night. The logistics of transportation, child care, rules, and financial obligations are overwhelming to consider.
At Haas Mediation, we help parents create secure plans for parenting and co-parenting that ease the transition and provide stability for their children. With our support, they take every detail into consideration making well-informed decisions. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Whether or not you choose mediation, breaking this transition down into manageable parts can help. Here are five aspects of single parenthood to plan for as you move into this new season.
Child care
Perhaps the most obvious thing to consider as a newly single parent is child care. If you’re currently a working parent and use a daycare, this may not have to change.
However, if you’re a stay-at-home parent, you may want to look for a babysitter or daycare provider to lean on. Financially, you might find yourself needing to take on a job. Even if you stay out of the workforce, there will likely be times that you need your children taken care of so that you can manage running a household on your own.
You don’t have to finalize anything just yet, but daycares often have wait lists and it takes time to build trust with babysitters. Starting the search process now can help reduce the stress of scrambling later.
2. School
If your children are all school-aged, child care may not seem to apply to you. But don’t forget to factor in how routines may change. Will you be able to make pick-up and drop-off times everyday, or will you need to take advantage of after-school programs or bus services? During the summer, does your school offer any programming?
If you haven’t already informed your children’s teachers about the divorce, do so as soon as possible. Not only does this equip the teachers to understand any behavioral, emotional, or academic changes, but they can also send two copies of important paperwork and updates to both newly single households to ensure everyone stays in the loop.
3. Extracurricular activities
If your child has a beloved sport, musical instrument, or drawing class, don’t let it get lost in the shuffle of the divorce. Although these activities may become more logistically difficult as a single parent, maintaining a favorite activity can go a long way toward helping your child feel anchored amidst so much change.
Alternatively, if your child participates in many extracurriculars and doesn’t mind letting one or two of them go, this is a good time to prioritize favorites so that you don’t have to keep so many plates in the air.
Either way, have a conversation with your child so that they know the plan. They may be worried they’ll have to give up violin, or wonder which parent is going to transport them to soccer practice. Clarity can provide a profound sense of security for your child.
4. Emergencies
Every parent knows that a perfectly planned day can grind to a halt due to a fever. Emergencies big and small happen, and it’s vital to consider how you’ll handle them when the kids are with you.
First, double check who is listed as an emergency contact wherever your kids spend time. Make sure these places know about the divorce, and decide if both parents should be contacted about illness every time or if there should be some sort of rotating schedule.
Next, make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page. How would you contact each other if your child experiences something like a hospital admission or a broken arm? Many children desire to have both parents on hand in emergency situations.
Finally, have back-up plans in place. Consider asking a neighbor or relative if they would be willing to be an additional emergency contact. This is especially important if you work outside the home, but any parent can use additional support.
5. Self-care
You probably know that single parents often have to juggle more responsibilities than their married peers. Research shows that single parents are almost twice as stressed as partnered parents.
As you anticipate all the ways single parenthood is going to affect your kids, don’t forget to build in time to take care of yourself. If you’re going to experience times when your children are living with your spouse, be gentle with yourself about how this time is spent. Parents often pressure themselves to use their child-free time to get the house clean, groceries purchased, and bills paid.
While this can relieve stress, it’s also important to acknowledge that time without your kids may cause a mixture of emotions. Your well-being matters, too. Be sure to allow for restful sleep, time with friends, and the flexibility to pivot when you realize you need a day on the couch more than you need a clean kitchen.
Mediation can help
These nuances of shared parenting are often ignored when custody arrangements are hammered out by the book. Only you can know what will support your child or children best. Lawyer-led divorces may leave everyone frustrated with the parenting outcome.
If you’re interested in talking through the above factors with an experienced professional, consider scheduling a free 15-minute consultation with us today. Haas Mediation is equipped to work with couples just like you and your spouse as you decide what you want your next season of life to look like for you and your children.
Interested in learning more?
- Andrew Haas, Founder & Principal Mediator
Schedule a free intro call.
Intro calls offer a first step toward determining your next steps, taking 10-15 min. Whether or not mediation is right for you, this is an opportunity to learn more.
During your intro call, you can:
Share about your interest
Ask questions
Learn more about the pricing and mediation process
Talk about the next steps
