Mother’s Day After Divorce

After a divorce, parents anticipate divvying up time with their children on holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. But a holiday many parents forget to anticipate is Mother’s Day.

If you’re a mother, you likely want to be with your kids on this day and feel acknowledged and loved. But if you’re a father, it might be difficult to muster up the fortitude to facilitate a celebration of the person you no longer share your life with.

Here are a few tips on how to approach the often forgotten holiday of Mother’s Day after divorce, for both fathers and mothers.

Dads: Center your child’s perspective

Remind yourself as a father that Mother’s Day is about honoring a parent’s role in a child’s life. This is not about what went right or wrong between you as a couple.

What this means in practice is that your child’s perspective should be at the forefront of any plans. Ask them if they have any gifts ready for their mom. Many elementary schools and daycares help children prepare art projects and cards for their mothers.

Even if they don’t have anything to give, ask them what they’d like to do for their mom on Mother’s Day. Perhaps they just want to see their mom, or maybe they’d like to pick out a gift. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant; they might want to simply pick flowers out of the yard or buy their mom her favorite snack.

Remind yourself that you are honoring your ex for the sake of your child. You are teaching them by example how to care for their parents, which includes yourself. While it may take years to pay off, lessons like this matter and will benefit not only your ex but also you.

Moms: Think outside the box

If you’re a mother, you may be worried about your first Mother’s Day after divorce. It’s important to have realistic expectations and be flexible.

For example, if the date snuck up on you and it’s too late to rearrange visitation to see your children on the actual holiday, accept seeing them virtually or celebrating on a different day. If you haven’t discussed the day with your ex beforehand, know that the kids might not have gifts or even know about the day at all.

Another approach is to treat yourself to something special like a massage or a day at a museum you enjoy without your kids. Personal time can be a much-needed luxury as a mom. You can honor your own role as a mother without necessarily receiving gifts from someone else.

Finally, consider honoring your own mother or other mothers you know. Have a group outing with mom friends, or take your kids to see their grandma the next time you have them in your care.

Know what to expect with a co-parenting plan

A lot of tension around Mother’s Day can be alleviated if it is discussed openly before the date arrives. This is an instance in which divorce mediation can make a big difference.

In contrast to a lawyer-led divorces, divorce mediation invites a couple to sit down with a professional mediator and sort out as many details of their next chapter as they deem necessary. The seemingly small things, like Mother’s Day, can be covered without the division and expense fostered by legal professionals.

Your unique needs are honored and heard in mediation. For example, in families with two mothers, a schedule for every-other-year celebrations could be arranged, or the couple could agree to split the day in half each year. All of this gets written down in a comprehensive co-parenting plan.

If this sounds like something that could benefit your family, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation today here at Haas Mediation. We would love to help alleviate unnecessary worry in your life as you navigate divorce.

Interested in learning more?

- Andrew Haas, Founder & Principal Mediator

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