Is It Possible To Peacefully Live With Your Spouse During a Divorce?
Living with someone you are divorcing is challenging. However, you can be successful with the right attitude and proper guidelines. Following are some things to consider before living together, yet separately, with your soon-to-be-ex.
Common Reasons Spouses Live Together During Divorce Proceedings
There are several reasons why spouses may cohabitate while going through divorce proceedings. Sometimes, the reasons are financial, while other times, it's due to an unwillingness to go public until everything is final. Other common reasons include:
Cohabitating to meet business needs, especially if it's a business based out of their home.
Couples may live together to maintain an image of a united family unit for their children.
Spouses have limited finances, making living separately impossible during the divorce.
There may be a legal issue if the primary breadwinner leaves the home before finalization.
Each spouse wants to stay in the home, especially if the family has lived there for a long time.
While these are all valid reasons a couple may want to live together, it is not always sustainable, especially if there is existing animosity. However, if both people can agree to a specific set of ground rules, you may be able to cohabitate successfully.
Family Laws About Living Together During a Divorce
Each state has nuanced laws surrounding cohabitation during divorce. While most states allow it, a few exceptions exist. In Illinois, spouses must live apart from each other in separate homes for at least six months before finalization. In Maryland, rules for cohabitation vary depending on the circumstances. In the cases of adultery or cruelty, the state doesn't require a mandatory separation period. However, voluntary separations, felony convictions and desertion require spouses to live separately for one year. In Vermont, divorcing spouses can live together, but they must sleep separately and act as though the marriage is over for at least six months.
Potential Challenges of Cohabitation During Divorce
A contested divorce can make cohabitation extremely challenging. Living with your spouse can aggravate high-conflict situations and increase emotional stress. Additionally, continuous conflict between parents has negative consequences for their children, which can lead to increased anxiety, fear and psychological trauma. Even if both spouses remain amicable, this may lead to their children creating a false hope of reconciliation. Additionally, cohabitation makes it difficult for both parties to take the first steps to move on with someone else.
Rules of Thumb To Follow
Before considering cohabitation, it's crucial to establish a set of ground rules that both parties can agree on. By agreeing to these guidelines, you can increase your likelihood of success. Some rules to consider are:
Explain everything to your children in a way that's on their level.
Coordinate parenting time with your spouse and decide how to share duties.
Create a routine and discuss where each spouse's items will be kept.
Once rooms are agreed upon, adhere to the boundaries you set.
Reach financial agreements with your spouse and create a realistic budget that works.
Even if you both feel ready to date other people, do not bring new partners home. Some states consider this infidelity, and it may negatively impact you during custody hearings.
Avoid having sex with your spouse, as this could give a false hope of reunion.
Commit to reassessing the situation periodically and practice self-care to minimize stress.
Before moving forward with cohabitation, it's important to know and understand your options and the value of your home. Think about what you would like your life to look like ten years down the line. Once you create this vision for yourself, you can find the strength to make the difficult choices to help you shape the life you want.
Remember, to peacefully cohabitate with your spouse during divorce proceedings, you must have good intent from both parties. Additionally, both partners must honor each other's need for privacy, space, and autonomy. This mutual understanding and consideration is crucial for harmonious cohabitation.
If you are unsure whether you can live with your spouse while divorcing, consider meeting with a third-party mediator. Mediators allow you to navigate these difficult yet necessary conversations with your partner as you move forward. A mediator can help you find the right solution to lay a foundation for an amicable divorce and create a clear vision for your best path forward. This professional assistance can bring hope and optimism to your situation. Schedule a consultation today.
