Father's Day After Divorce
After a divorce, parents anticipate divvying up time with their children on holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving. But a holiday many parents forget to anticipate is Father’s Day.
If you’re a father, you likely want to be with your kids on this day and feel acknowledged and loved. But if you’re a mother, it might be difficult to muster up the fortitude to facilitate a celebration of the person you no longer share your life with.
Here are a few tips on how to approach the often forgotten holiday of Father’s Day after divorce, for both mothers and fathers.
Moms: Center your child’s perspective
Remind yourself as a mother that Father’s Day is about honoring a parent’s role in a child’s life. This is not about what went right or wrong between you as a couple.
What this means in practice is that your child’s perspective should be at the forefront of any plans. Ask them if they have any gifts ready for their dad. Many elementary schools and daycares help children prepare art projects and cards for their fathers.
Even if they don’t have anything to give, ask them what they’d like to do for their dad on Father’s Day. Perhaps they just want to see their dad, or maybe they’d like to pick out a gift. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant; they might want to simply draw a picture or buy their dad his favorite snack.
Remind yourself that you are honoring your ex for the sake of your child. You are teaching them by example how to honor their parents, which includes yourself. While it may take years to pay off, lessons like this matter and will benefit not only your ex but also you.
Dads: Think outside the box
If you’re a father, you may be worried about your first Father’s Day after divorce. It’s important to have realistic expectations and be flexible.
For example, if the date snuck up on you and it’s too late to rearrange visitation to see your children on the actual holiday, accept seeing them virtually or celebrating on a different day. If you haven’t discussed the day with your ex beforehand, know that the kids might not have gifts or even know about the day at all.
Another approach is to treat yourself to something special like a ball game or a day at a museum you enjoy without your kids. You can honor your own role as a father without necessarily receiving gifts from someone else.
Finally, consider honoring your own father or other fathers you know. Have a group outing with dad friends, or take your kids to see their grandpa the next time you have them in your care.
Know what to expect with a co-parenting plan
A lot of tension around Father’s Day can be alleviated if it is discussed openly before the date arrives. This is an instance in which divorce mediation can make a big difference.
In contrast to a lawyer-led divorces, divorce mediation invites a couple to sit down with a professional mediator and hammer out as many details of their next chapter as they deem necessary. The seemingly small things, like Father’s Day, can be planned for in the same way as schooling and health care.
Your unique needs are honored and heard in mediation. For example, in families with two fathers, a schedule for every-other-year celebrations could be arranged, or the couple could agree to split the day in half each year. All of this gets written down in a comprehensive co-parenting plan.
If this sounds like something that could benefit your family, schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation today here at Haas Mediation. We would love to help alleviate unnecessary worry in your life as you navigate divorce.