How to Stay Involved in Your Child's School After Divorce

It’s tough to stay on top of your child’s schooling—from homework to extracurricular activities—but there is an extra element of stress for those who are divorced. You may struggle to know what’s going on at school if you don’t see your kids daily, or you might feel like educational choices are being made by your ex without your input.

It doesn’t have to be this way. There are several aspects of education to consider, but you can ultimately craft a co-parenting plan that helps you stay involved in your child’s schooling.

Legal parenting status

Many people think of the term custody as referring only to physical custody of children. However, when children are co-parented by divorced parents, you must also consider the element of legal custody.

Legal custody is almost always split between the parents equally unless there is concern for a child’s safety. What this means in practice is that even if you only see your kids on the weekend, you still have an equal say in their medical care and education. 

If you’re going through a divorce right now, make sure you understand this difference between physical and legal custody. If you want to be involved in your child’s education, make it clear to your spouse that you want to retain legal custody even if you can’t share the physical custody equally.

Educational options

There are many aspects of education that parents must make decisions about. You might first think about daily things: emails from a teacher, bus schedules, and after school activities. If you make them aware of your divorce, most schools in today’s world are able to accommodate both parents’ communication needs.

One great way to feel like you’re a part of the school community is to volunteer in your child’s classroom. You could help cover recess duty while the teachers eat lunch or be a guest reader for their classroom. Check in with the school about what is required to become a volunteer.

Another regular element of schooling includes parent-teacher conferences. With shared legal custody, you have the right to attend this conference even if your spouse has primary physical custody. Some teachers will arrange separate meetings, but others may want you and your ex to meet with them together. 

There is also the question of where your child attends school. If living arrangements after the divorce mean changing school districts, you can decide as co-parents on the best option for your child. If your child attends a private school, responsibility for continued tuition payments should be accounted for during the divorce process.

Finally, it’s never too soon to think about higher education. You might already have savings accounts in place for your child’s future college education. It’s important to discuss if you’ll keep contributing to these after divorce. 

Additionally, if your teenager is ready to start touring potential schools, you may want to participate in this to the best of your ability. Just remember that once they’re eighteen, your legal custody rights no longer apply. They can make their own adult choices in the eyes of the law.

Mediation can help

If you’re navigating a divorce and have concerns about staying involved in your child’s education, meeting with a divorce mediator might be your best plan. In lawyer-led divorces, physical and legal custody division will be decided for you. However, figuring out the details will be completely up to you and your ex. It may be difficult to work out the nuances of education if communication is already a struggle between you.

Here at Haas Mediation, we work with divorcing couples to develop a comprehensive co-parenting plan that makes things less stressful for everyone involved. In mediation, you and your spouse will be in conversation with the mediator to work through as many details as you wish. You get to retain complete autonomy over the outcome of the plan—the mediator does not have authority to dictate your path. They act as a facilitator, not a referee.

Many couples who go through divorce mediation gain valuable communication skills that serve them for years to come. If you need help creating a robust co-parenting plan with your spouse around your children’s schooling or other issues, we are here to help. Schedule a free fifteen-minute consultation today to discuss your next step.